For many older adults, the decision to move to an assisted living community does not come easily. Often, it comes at the request or urging of adult children or other loved ones. If you’ve noticed some signs that it may be time to move to assisted living, such as loneliness, safety concerns, or caregiver stress, you may have to have a serious conversation. 

These conversations can be difficult. It can take thoughtfulness and planning in order to have a successful discussion. Here, we’ll provide some tips to help you broach the topic of moving to assisted living. Keep in mind that everyone is different, and you may have to adapt your approach to meet your loved one’s needs. 

Choose the right place, time, and people

Because of the magnitude of the conversation, it’s important to choose the right setting. For some, having a conversation in the safety of their home might be preferred, whereas others might benefit from being in a doctor’s office. If you’re having the conversation at home, pick a time when your loved one can focus and isn’t concerned with distractions such as grandchildren, chores, or even the TV. 

Involving the right people is also key. Some older adults may be sensitive to their adult children giving them instructions. If this is the case, engaging their physician or another trusted peer can be beneficial. Alternatively, if they have friends who have already moved to assisted living, they may be able to provide true insights into the benefits and challenges they faced. 

Communicate the need for a transition to assisted living

Your loved one may not initially agree with the need for a transition. Consider what changes you’ve seen that indicate it’s time for a change, and be ready to discuss them and how the benefits of assisted living might address them. Think about events such as: 

• Medication errors.
• Recent falls.
• Frequent hospitalizations or illness.
• Changes in mental health.
• Difficulty managing the home.

Focus on how assisted living can help ease the strain of these events and keep them safe and healthy. Engaging activities, social dining rooms, medication management, and on-call nurses address many of the challenges older adults often face when living at home. 

If your loved one does not agree with your assessment, consider asking them, “What would have to happen for you to agree it’s time to move to assisted living?” In some cases, whatever they identify may have already happened.

Be honest but empathetic

When discussing the changes you’ve seen, it’s important to be honest and base the conversation on facts while also being mindful of your tone and approach. Try not to focus on your emotions or opinions, and focus instead on the events or changes you have witnessed. 

Leave plenty of space for your loved one to share their concerns, and ask them about their hesitations. This helps them feel heard and validated while also allowing you to provide better support by addressing their concerns head-on. Some frequent concerns include: 

• Fear of being lonely and not receiving visitors.
• The grief of facing mortality.
• Feeling overwhelmed by the idea of moving.

Providing ample space for your loved one to communicate these concerns is key to having a successful conversation and allowing everyone to feel prepared for what’s to come. 

Offer support and guidance

Showing your support for your loved one regardless of their initial response is important in maintaining trust. Consider what initial hesitations your loved one may have and any solutions you could present. For example, if they are afraid of not having visitors, present a schedule of visits and outings with family and friends. If they are grieving the loss of their longtime home, a therapist, social worker, or support group could help. Alternatively, if the idea of downsizing is overwhelming, offering your help or enlisting services that assist with moving to assisted living can go a long way in reducing the stress that comes with the move. 

Try to keep your loved one involved in the decision-making process. They may feel a loss of independence, so by including them, you create space for them to be in control of their life. 

Be patient and consistent

Sometimes, the decision to move to assisted living does not come after one conversation. If possible, leave time to plant the seed and then have a deeper conversation later on. Don’t be discouraged if the first conversation doesn’t go as planned. It’s normal to face resistance initially. Have patience, and remember that your loved one may need time to process and digest the information you’ve shared. Keep the lines of communication open, and revisit the conversation from time to time. 

It’s also important to maintain consistency in your approach. This applies not only to yourself but also to any others involved in the decision. If one adult child proposes assisted living but another suggests an alternative, it can be difficult to make progress with your loved one. Also stay consistent in any assistance you provide so your loved one feels supported and not abandoned.

Final thoughts on having the conversation when it’s time to move to assisted living

Opening up a conversation about assisted living can be daunting. However, the benefits often improve quality of life for both you and your loved one. The right approach to the conversation will help you better support your loved one. Reach out to loved ones and even assisted living communities for support and guidance. By implementing some of these tips, you can approach your loved one with more confidence and feel better equipped to support their physical and emotional needs.

Having this conversation is tough, but with these tips, you can make it smooth and effective. If you’ve talked with an older adult loved one about moving to an assisted living facility and don’t know what to do next or would like the support of a professional, find the local Oasis Senior Advisor in your area.