It can take time for your loved one to settle into their new home in senior living, but what happens if they’re not adjusting as easily as you anticipated? While a move to a new home is a huge transition for anyone, most people will acclimate in a few weeks. But if your loved one isn’t settling in, they may need extra help. Here, we’ll explain why it can take time to adjust, how to recognize if your loved one needs extra support, and what you can do to help them. 

What is relocation stress?

Relocation stress syndrome, sometimes referred to as transition trauma, is a diagnosis that is characterized by a set of symptoms related to a move. Relocation stress syndrome can last weeks and can include symptoms like:

• Anxiety.
• Confusion.
• Hopelessness.
• Loneliness.
• Depression.

Anyone can experience relocation stress syndrome, but it is more prominent in seniors who move to senior living communities. Symptoms are compounded and can last even longer when dementia is in the picture.

There are a variety of reasons that relocation stress syndrome is more common among seniors moving to senior living communities, including:

• Chronic health conditions.
• Loss of control.
• The disorientation of moving from a single-family home to a busy senior living community.
• Feeling overwhelmed by the additional support and assistance.
• Grief over the loss of friends, family, home, and independence.
• Cognitive decline.

Just because relocation stress syndrome is common doesn’t mean it is inevitable or has to last a long time. Early intervention is often the key to easing transition stress.

Early signs your parent is struggling to adjust to senior living

When your loved one moves into their new home, they will need time to get fully acclimated to their new home, neighbors, and routine. Watch with grace and patience as they work through this, but still keep an eye out for these potential warning signs that they are not transitioning successfully.

Isolating themselves

The easiest way to settle into a new senior living community is to get out and about, learning how to enjoy the life of the community. Isolating can feel comfortable, but it can lead to increased symptom severity as well as other complications like increased cognitive decline, depression, and anxiety.

Expressed feelings of frustration, loneliness, and confusion

Listen to how your loved one talks about their experience. If they seem overwhelmed with services or routine, or if they mention feeling left out or lonely, it could be a sign they are experiencing transition stress. Remember, some disorientation is normal with a move. However, you know your loved one best and can tell if they are more frustrated, lonely, or confused than normal.

Changes to sleep routine

Sleeping more or less than usual is a potential red flag that your loved one is experiencing relocation stress. If they are having trouble falling asleep or staying asleep when they haven’t had these challenges before, they may be struggling with adjusting to their new home in senior living.

Changes in appetite or weight

Relocation stress can lead to appetite changes, including eating more or less than usual. In addition to observing your loved one’s weight and how their clothes fit, you can ask them about what they had for meals when you call them. If they have trouble remembering what they ate that day or report that they just aren’t that hungry, it could indicate they are struggling to eat properly due to the stress of the life change.

Increased needs for family contact

If your loved one is now calling you multiple times a day or requesting that you visit daily, this could indicate they are experiencing relocation stress. This “neediness” can stem from them looking for a sense of normalcy and comfort.

How families can help their loved one adjust to senior living

If you are noticing early signs of relocation stress syndrome, or if you are just looking to keep symptoms at bay and ease your loved one’s transition as much as possible, there are some strategies you and other family members can try.

Make the most of move-in day

If possible, ensure your loved one is unpacked and settled in before you leave on move-in day. It can prolong relocation stress if your loved one is still living out of boxes for days after moving in, and it can be a fall risk. Use your time wisely and get all the boxes unpacked, beds made, cabinets and fridge full, and art hung on the walls.

Have a family contact calendar

When your loved one moves in, family members might be calling regularly to check in on how they are doing. However, it can be better for everyone if you spread out the contact so that your loved one is getting one or two calls daily instead of five. Try making a shared calendar where family members and friends can sign up for days that they will call your loved one. If you have a few on each day, aim for a morning and evening call.

Participate in daily life with them

When you visit your loved one, don’t spend all of your time in their apartment. Instead, go with them to meals and activities. Share your coffee in the community living room or read the newspaper together in the community library. Participating in community life with them can make your loved one feel more comfortable, and they can take charge and show off their new home.

Ask follow-up questions

If your loved one is feeling sad or overwhelmed, allow them to share these uncomfortable feelings. Then, ask follow-up questions to validate their concerns. Redirect them to find a potential solution to try. For example, if Mom is feeling overwhelmed with the busy activity schedule, suggest that she choose one activity to join in the next day instead of trying to participate in them all.

Collaborating with the community’s care team

Taking some time to adjust to senior living is common, and the staff is always paying close attention to how new residents are settling in. You can work with the team to help your loved one feel at home more quickly.

Join community communication lists

Sign up for newsletters, including the activities newsletter and calendar email list, the dining menu email list, and the social work monthly newsletter. The more you know about what is happening in the community, the better you can ask your loved one direct questions about it or encourage participation.

Talk about your concerns

If you notice some early signs of relocation stress syndrome or suspect that your loved one is acting “off,” share your observations with the community nurse or social worker. They can follow up with your loved one or adjust their approach with them to build more trust. In addition, it is important for you to listen to how the staff perceives your loved one’s transition, as they may notice things you do not.

Participate in care plan meetings as invited

If you are invited to your loved one’s regular care plan meeting, make it a point to attend either in person or via phone call. You’ll learn more about how they are doing in the community, and you can share your observations and offer information that could benefit the staff in helping your loved one adjust to senior living.

Attend family events

Most senior living communities host family events where residents and family members can create memories and share experiences together. When possible, attend with your loved one. 

When to involve additional support

If your loved one is taking a long time to adjust to senior living or if their health is being negatively impacted, it may be a good idea to discuss additional support with the community staff. Ideas include:

• Reviewing current anxiety or depression medication and adjusting if needed.
• Providing a comfort-food menu selection a few times per week to encourage better eating habits.
• Setting a goal to attend one activity per week, along with personalized interventions to support this goal.
• Encouraging independent leisure pursuits in their apartment with supplies and guidance provided by the activity team.
• Scheduling visits from the community’s social worker or another designated team member.
• Communicating mental and physical health observations to their primary care physician.
• Considering a psychiatric consult.

It is a balance between being patient and being observant when helping your loved one adjust to senior living. You’ll find the best results when you keep the lines of communication open between yourself, your family, and the community staff.